Welcome to Spare The Road

Spare the Road is a blog dedicated to getting annoying cyclists off the streets for the safety of everyone and betterment of society.

May 3, 2011

Cycling Myths

It seems some people out there think cyclists are annoying, but harmless. Let me assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. Cyclists are dangerous, to themselves, and others. Let’s clear up some of the myths on cyclists.
Myth#1: Cyclists want to share the road.
Fact: Cyclists want to inconvenience drivers for the glory of their own egos.
Most cyclists are sad and lonely people who have failed at life. Their careers (if you can call bagging groceries a career) are going nowhere, their families are ashamed of them, and other than getting together with other pathetic losers to ride bikes, they have no personal life to speak of.
So what is a sad, pathetic loner to do? Well besides offing themselves, they like to dress up in skin tight spandex and ride bikes around town tying up traffic. Keeping people in cars from getting where they need to go boost their self-esteem much like the schoolyard bully does by hassling other kids for their lunch money. This feeling of importance, this rush of knowing they are forcing the world to revolve around them, it is the only thing that keeps most of these people from swallowing the barrel of a revolver.
Cyclists have no desire to share the road with motorists in some sort of utopia vehicular society where man powered and gas powered transportation devices live in peace and harmony. Quite the opposite actually. Their goal is to create an environment of stress and confusion on the roadways to boost their frail and pitiful egos.


Myth #2: Cyclists want to live by the same rules of the road as motor vehicles.
Fact: When it suits them cyclists want the same rules for both, when it is inconvenient for them they want to claim “Well I am just on a bike.”
Cyclists are constantly screaming for equality on the road. They want nothing of the sort. When a cyclists is riding down a major US Highway with a 55 MPH speed limit at 20 MPH, that is when they want everyone to view them as an equal, with the same right to the road. When they come to a red light or a four-way stop, well at that point, “I am just a bike.” becomes the new law of the road, and they run it at their convenience.
Cyclists have no desire to live by the same laws as motorists. They want equal protection when it suits them. And when it doesn’t? Well then they are “just a bike”. Excuse them while they run a red-light.

Myth #3: It is a great tragedy when a cyclist is killed by a motorist.
Fact: Riding a bike on major highways with speed limits of up to 55MPH with hundreds of two ton vehicles is about as smart as playing Russian Roulette.
A lot of people gamble with their lives, soldiers, police officers, firemen for instance. When these people lose their lives it is a great tragedy because they lost their lives while pursuing noble efforts, catching criminals, saving lives, protecting freedoms. Getting killed because you thought it would be “cool” to tie up traffic during rush hour isn’t noble. Losing one’s life to stupidity isn’t a tragedy.
We at Spare the Road do not want to belittle anyone who has lost a loved one to this situation. However, as mentioned in Myth #1 most cyclists have no one who cares for them. If you are in that minority though we are sorry, sorry that your family member or friend was so selfish they cared more about being a jackass on public streets than being there for you. When some idiot on a bike gets hit by a car, it’s not a tragedy; the tragedy is his kids are going to have to grow up fatherless because their dad thought it would be awesome to “stick it to cagers” by riding his bike on busy streets.

Myth #4: It is illegal for cyclists to ride their bikes on the sidewalk.
Fact: It is also illegal for them to run red-lights, but that has never stopped a cyclist before.
This goes back to Myth#2. Cyclists are quick to point out it is against the law to ride their bikes on the sidewalk as the reason they have to pedal in the streets. Point out that it’s also against the law for them to ride in between two rows of cars waiting at a red-light, and they will probably key your car.

Myth #5: If we just built more bike lanes then we’d all live happily ever after.
Fact: Cyclists avoid bike lanes at all times.
Cyclists like to complain about the lack of bike lanes. But much like they tie up traffic as self service to their egos, they also like wasting taxpayer money for the same reason. Cyclists have no desire to use bike lanes. Why not? See Myth #1 for that answer.
Usually most of the support of bike lanes comes from motorists who want to get these idiots out of their way. But build a bike lane and cyclists will just move to other streets without them.

34 comments:

  1. Have you tried for appearances on Leno or Letterman?

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  2. What sort of jackass are you....REALLY.....Tell us.....

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  3. this has to be a joke

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  4. Dude lives in GA. Stupid is as stupid does. Amazed he knows how to turn on his computer-thingy.

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  5. The extra chub on this guys belly (keeping him from finding his dusty penis) wastes LOTS of gas.

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  6. unfortunately this guy is getting a petition signed to put on a ballot to get cyclists off certain roads, because people are uneducated about cycling and listen to ignorant stuff like this.

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  7. Yes, you have listed a lot of cycling myths there... most of them following the word "Fact".

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  8. I agree 100% Most if not all of these MYTHS are somewhat FACTUAL. When a large sweaty man in spandex feels the need to take up an entire half of the road because he is to stupid or to arrogant to ride a bike where he should...I have a problem with that. That is why the cities make parks and BIKE FREAKING PATHS!

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    1. my city doesn't have bike paths..??

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    2. ... then stop wearing spandex, idiot.

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  9. " Fact: Cyclists want to inconvenience drivers for the glory of their own egos.
    Most cyclists are sad and lonely people who have failed at life. Their careers (if you can call bagging groceries a career) are going nowhere."

    I've never seen anything more unsulting in my entire life. You sir apparently haven't ever seen the retail price of a decent bicycle.. no "grocery bagger" can afford even an entry level road or mountain bike at $1500 or so. Apparently you Sir are the one who is failing at life for posting this useless angry and misguided garbage around the internet. People like you are why I open carry when I ride. Another gripe I have about you're bs.. "cyclists" also include recreational riders as well as mountain bikers. So I guess the last time I hit a trail and got all dirty out there by myself was sooooo impacting to your day. HAHA.. you fool.. may you die a very lonely and painful death.

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    1. My fail at life career has me in the top 5% of income earners. Oh well it sucks scraping by on that salary at least I can ride my bike to compensate.

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  10. Various anonymous above. Are you actually wasting your time arguing with a knobhead?

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    1. Yeah -- I know what you mean -- don't feed the troll.

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  11. You sir, are a cock !
    And a cock with limited intelligence, at that. I'm going to bet that you were also bullied at school.

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  12. I think we ought to ban motor vehicles, because some motorists drive inattentively, illegally, aggressively, or while under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

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  13. Nothing more than a troll http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet)

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  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. If this is serious it is stupid but if it is parody it is the most awesome parody ever.

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  16. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the bumper sticker. It is going proudly on my car, right next to my bike rack. In fact I may have to get extras for all of my bikes.

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    1. was thinking the exact same thing: stuck right onto the bike rack

      this is one of the most entertaining blogs I've come across in the past two years

      haven't read so much wrong concentrated into so few words

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  17. "Point out that it’s also against the law for them to ride in between two rows of cars waiting at a red-light, and they will probably key your car."

    Myth #4.5: Myth #4 is a myth!

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  18. the entertainment value of your writing is immeasurable

    you are awesome - perhaps not in a good way, but awesome nonetheless

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  19. How come I see bicycle and bicycle clothing ads on your blog?

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  20. When I was driving motor-vehicles I would often drive around just to kill time, yet I would still become impatient with people that were driving slower than me.
    I found that a good way to avoid stress while driving was to leave home early for work or a fixed appointment and use any extra time at the destination to read or visualize how I would proceed with the task.
    ~Tim Skoglund, SLC,UT

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  21. I like the sharing for Commies thing. Hell, it was car companies that got saved by the collectivist government. This blog is kind of a cool idea but it would take some more subtlety and skill to pull off the sarcasm effectively. I hope this gentlemen stays safe from the all-powerful cyclists and comes to grips with his feelings of rage and lust about spandex-clad men.

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  22. For proof that cycling doesn't work, see http://www.copenhagencyclechic.com/

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  23. Two wheels good, four wheels bad. The car and obesity are king. How about a fat tax?

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  24. What's annoying from these Southerners is that they've been suckling on the government teat for decades. Our state, and several northern and eastern states, pay more in federal taxes than is spent in their states. These southern leeches get more in benefits than they pay then the ungrateful cocksuckers whine about it. Northern cyclists are supporting you oil-addicted sluts. We should cut them all off, make them pay their own way.

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  25. An entertaining read. Actually, reading all the comments was even more entertaining. Way to f***ing serious folks. Chill the fuck out and go for a bike ride!

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    1. 'K. First, pls give me this idjit's address so I can bike over there & key his SUV. >;-)

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  26. An entertaining read. Actually, reading all the comments was even more entertaining. Way to f***ing serious folks. Chill the fuck out and go for a bike ride!

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  27. Like the rest of you, I also like to exercise in the street. I practice yoga in my "3 feet" of space. Sometimes I just dribble a basketball down the side of a highway to get my heart rate up. I can't imagine why anyone would get annoyed with this. Share the road people!!

    sounds retarded right? yeah "cycling" is just exercise, thats all. When I see the out of shape drunk on a roadmaster, I give wide berth. If I see spandex I'm tight to the white. It's nonsense and time to stop entertaining this weird technicality.

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