Cycling Myths

It seems some people out there think cyclists are annoying, but harmless. Let me assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. Cyclists are dangerous, to themselves, and others. Let’s clear up some of the myths on cyclists.

Myth#1: Cyclists want to share the road.

Fact: Cyclists want to inconvenience drivers for the glory of their own egos.

Most cyclists are sad and lonely people who have failed at life. Their careers (if you can call bagging groceries a career) are going nowhere, their families are ashamed of them, and other than getting together with other pathetic losers to ride bikes, they have no personal life to speak of.

So what is a sad, pathetic loner to do? Well besides offing themselves, they like to dress up in skin tight spandex and ride bikes around town tying up traffic. Keeping people in cars from getting where they need to go boost their self-esteem much like the schoolyard bully does by hassling other kids for their lunch money. This feeling of importance, this rush of knowing they are forcing the world to revolve around them, it is the only thing that keeps most of these people from swallowing the barrel of a revolver.

Cyclists have no desire to share the road with motorists in some sort of utopia vehicular society where man powered and gas powered transportation devices live in peace and harmony. Quite the opposite actually. Their goal is to create an environment of stress and confusion on the roadways to boost their frail and pitiful egos.

Myth #2: Cyclists want to live by the same rules of the road as motor vehicles.

Fact: When it suits them cyclists want the same rules for both, when it is inconvenient for them they want to claim “Well I am just on a bike.”

Cyclists are constantly screaming for equality on the road. They want nothing of the sort. When a cyclists is riding down a major US Highway with a 55 MPH speed limit at 20 MPH, that is when they want everyone to view them as an equal, with the same right to the road. When they come to a red light or a four-way stop, well at that point, “I am just a bike.” becomes the new law of the road, and they run it at their convenience.

Cyclists have no desire to live by the same laws as motorists. They want equal protection when it suits them. And when it doesn’t? Well then they are “just a bike”. Excuse them while they run a red-light.

Myth #3: It is a great tragedy when a cyclist is killed by a motorist.

Fact: Riding a bike on major highways with speed limits of up to 55MPH with hundreds of two ton vehicles is about as smart as playing Russian Roulette.

A lot of people gamble with their lives, soldiers, police officers, firemen for instance. When these people lose their lives it is a great tragedy because they lost their lives while pursuing noble efforts, catching criminals, saving lives, protecting freedoms. Getting killed because you thought it would be “cool” to tie up traffic during rush hour isn’t noble. Losing one’s life to stupidity isn’t a tragedy.

We at Spare the Road do not want to belittle anyone who has lost a loved one to this situation. However, as mentioned in Myth #1 most cyclists have no one who cares for them. If you are in that minority though we are sorry, sorry that your family member or friend was so selfish they cared more about being a jackass on public streets than being there for you. When some idiot on a bike gets hit by a car, it’s not a tragedy; the tragedy is his kids are going to have to grow up fatherless because their dad thought it would be awesome to “stick it to cagers” by riding his bike on busy streets.

Myth #4: It is illegal for cyclists to ride their bikes on the sidewalk.

Fact: It is also illegal for them to run red-lights, but that has never stopped a cyclist before.

This goes back to Myth#2. Cyclists are quick to point out it is against the law to ride their bikes on the sidewalk as the reason they have to pedal in the streets. Point out that it’s also against the law for them to ride in between two rows of cars waiting at a red-light, and they will probably key your car.

Myth #5: If we just built more bike lanes then we’d all live happily ever after.

Fact: Cyclists avoid bike lanes at all times.

Cyclists like to complain about the lack of bike lanes. But much like they tie up traffic as self service to their egos, they also like wasting taxpayer money for the same reason. Cyclists have no desire to use bike lanes. Why not? See Myth #1 for that answer.

Usually most of the support of bike lanes comes from motorists who want to get these idiots out of their way. But build a bike lane and cyclists will just move to other streets without them.