Welcome to Spare The Road

Spare the Road is a blog dedicated to getting annoying cyclists off the streets for the safety of everyone and betterment of society.

May 3, 2011

Some Cycling Terms

In case you are new to The War on Cycling we may use some terms here that confuse you. I just wanted to take some time to clear those up.
Cyclist:  Let it be clear that when we say “cyclist” on this site we specifically mean the spandex wearing douche bag type.
Cager: A cager is a slur that cyclists use against automobile drivers. It’s somewhat ironic, since pretty much all cyclists also driver cars. Much like the F-word to gay people or the N-word to black people, cager is also a term that non-cyclists use in reference to each other, in order to rob the word of its power. None-the-less you will often hear cyclists use the slur freely and without shame.
Critical Mass (aka Critical Ass): Critical Mass is a semi-organized cycling event. Ideally it is to be held in most metro areas on the last Friday of the month, but it can really be any time or place. Any time a group of douche bag cyclists with nothing better to do decide to get in huge groups and ride around town slowing down traffic, it can be considered Critical Mass. Some cyclists claim it is merely a chance for social interaction and exercise, however many will admit that is in fact a means of protest and intimidation against non-cyclists. Whatever the reason, it’s really freaking annoying. It is sometimes referred to as Critical Ass because the participants are usually gigantic assholes with little to live for other than causing more traffic and mayhem.
Chain Gang: This is that long line of cyclists riding single file, making it almost impossible to pass them. No shit, cyclists claim this is a training tool, no doubt preparing their fat asses for the Tour de Bacon they have coming up next month. Cyclists frequently use this formation to run red lights and 4 way stops.


  1. You appear to have missed Cock Jockey: The author of this website

  2. Is this blog by David Thornton or his retarded cousin?

  3. "A cager is a slur that cyclists use against automobile drivers. It’s somewhat ironic, since pretty much all cyclists also driver cars."

    Now I am confused. I thought cyclists didn't pay for the roads but you say they all drive cars also. They must be using some tax free gas and riding in non registered illegal vehicles so as not to pay for roads.

  4. I think you also forgot twatwaffle.....as in the author of this blog is a giant twatwaffle.

  5. Too funny - Question, if I ride a bike but in jeans what am I? By the way, the 1st time I heard cager was when reading a motorcycle blog ...

  6. Is the "Tour de Bacon" a real thing? I would ride in that.

  7. I originally thought this was a satirical site, but now, not sure if srs...

    If satirical - wow - a lot of effort.

    If not - wow - a lot of stupid.

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  9. If a cyclist only refers to the people wearing spandex, I am curious about the critical mass that is happening around you, I think what you saw is a race.