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Spare the Road is a blog dedicated to getting annoying cyclists off the streets for the safety of everyone and betterment of society.

May 24, 2011

Some Thoughts on Lance Armstrong

It’s pretty much accepted now that Lance Armstrong was using performance enhancers. Even his most staunch defenders are coming around to the fact he was getting more pricks in his butt than Richard Simmons at a gay orgy. It’s kind of hard to believe the guy given the fact that everyone else in the “sport” has admitted to juicing, and the one guy who wasn’t doping was the guy winning all the races. The allegations are coming out left and right and with the most recent ones on 60 minutes last Sunday, well, where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

Armstrong has been a hero to cycling douche bags for years, but also to non-cyclists. Until recent allegations, Armstrong represented the spirit of hard work, determination, and overcoming adversity to all Americans. And for people who believe in these virtues, it made sense. But why do these jackasses out riding on the streets worship him so much?

Yes Lance rides his bike on the road for these long boring races. And yes Lance advocates riding on the road for average joe cyclists as well. In 2010 jumped all over ESPN personality and Pardon the Interruption host Tony Kornhieser for comments he made on cyclists. However there is a huge difference between Lance Armstrong and Tubby Joe who rides his bike around town creating mayhem on the highways and preventing people from getting where they need to go. Armstrong has a productive reason to ride his bike. Perhaps in his free time Lance rides around his hometown trying to keep cagers from dropping their kids off at school, but more times than not, I imagine when he gets on a bike it is to train for a race, or participate in a race, where he makes money for himself and his family. Roids or not, he has a legitimate reason to ride his bike. 

Cycling was a problem before Lance Armstrong won all those Tour de France races, but it really took off and became the pandemic it is today during the height of his success. And that is where the confusion comes in. It’s just plain strange that a group of people who ride their bikes just to be a menace, so adore a guy who is riding his bike for reasons that wouldn’t require a year in the psychiatric ward to decipher. Yet there they are, out on the streets, wreaking havoc on the roads in Lance Armstrong Yellow spandex. Forget about the steroids for a minute, how did a guy overcoming cancer to win bike races lead thousands of people nationwide to decide it would be cool to ride a bike on the roads to piss off people who drive cars?

Understanding the mind of a cyclist can be almost impossible. They are so disturbed and mentally unsound that trying to apply logic to the way they think can be an exercise in futility. These are people who get on a bike and decide it would be a good idea to ride it 25 MPH under the speed limit during rush hour. Even a small child knows how insane and unsafe that is. Perhaps in their eyes Lance overcoming cancer to win the Tour de France was what motivated them to overcome being a colossal failure at life who still lives with their mother to make someone late for work. Trying to figure out why these idiots worship at the altar of Lance Armstrong is a lot like cycling in general, a giant waste of time. No one knows what the hell they are thinking.

It will be interesting to see how all the allegations affect douche bag cyclists, if at all. My guess is even if there was a video of Lance shooting up and pill popping; it isn’t going to get these nut jobs off the streets. But we can hope, right?

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