I recently got a few e-mails from some cyclists claiming that cycling can’t be bad because many cyclists ride their bikes for charity. Amazing logic, I know. So using this rationale we at Spare the Road are starting our own Killing Puppies-a-thon to raise money for various charities. For every puppy you brutally slay, we will donate one hundred dollars to the charity of your choice. By doing this, it now means that killing puppies is a good thing. Since we are doing it to raise money for charity, it’s not only OK to slit the throat of a 3 month old Labrador, but doing so is an act that requires respect, after all it’s for charity.
Just in case someone was dumb enough to use cycling logic here, I am being sarcastic and killing puppies will not reap you, or your charity, any rewards or respect. Doing something for charity doesn’t make the act you are performing OK, or alleviate it in any way from the harms it causes to society. In fact it is hard to fathom a line of thinking that could lead one to such a conclusion. Only a cyclist, I tell you.
In case you’ve never been approached by one of these “charitable” cyclists, they get you to sponsor them and will ride a certain number of miles for a certain pledge of money/mile. They vary, but basically that is the gist of it. Pledge a dollar per mile, the cyclist rides 50 miles, you write a check for 50 bucks to fight cancer or whatever. If cyclists really cared about raising money for charitable causes, then they’d take sponsors to keep them off the roads. You donate a certain amount per day to keep these douche bags off the roads; I guarantee the money raised is tenfold at least.
Of course it isn’t about raising money, it is about being a menace on the roads, business as usual for cyclists. The whole charity angle is just another lie perpetuated on us by this scum. They don’t care about curing cancer any more than they care about peacefully sharing the road with motor vehicles. Cycling must be good because sometimes they do it for charity? I will be laughing at how incredibly stupid that line of reasoning is for a long time.