Welcome to Spare The Road

Spare the Road is a blog dedicated to getting annoying cyclists off the streets for the safety of everyone and betterment of society.

Jul 24, 2011

Killing Puppies for Charity

I recently got a few e-mails from some cyclists claiming that cycling can’t be bad because many cyclists ride their bikes for charity. Amazing logic, I know. So using this rationale we at Spare the Road are starting our own Killing Puppies-a-thon to raise money for various charities. For every puppy you brutally slay, we will donate one hundred dollars to the charity of your choice. By doing this, it now means that killing puppies is a good thing. Since we are doing it to raise money for charity, it’s not only OK to slit the throat of a 3 month old Labrador, but doing so is an act that requires respect, after all it’s for charity.


Just in case someone was dumb enough to use cycling logic here, I am being sarcastic and killing puppies will not reap you, or your charity, any rewards or respect. Doing something for charity doesn’t make the act you are performing OK, or alleviate it in any way from the harms it causes to society. In fact it is hard to fathom a line of thinking that could lead one to such a conclusion. Only a cyclist, I tell you. 

In case you’ve never been approached by one of these “charitable” cyclists, they get you to sponsor them and will ride a certain number of miles for a certain pledge of money/mile. They vary, but basically that is the gist of it. Pledge a dollar per mile, the cyclist rides 50 miles, you write a check for 50 bucks to fight cancer or whatever. If cyclists really cared about raising money for charitable causes, then they’d take sponsors to keep them off the roads. You donate a certain amount per day to keep these douche bags off the roads; I guarantee the money raised is tenfold at least. 

Of course it isn’t about raising money, it is about being a menace on the roads, business as usual for cyclists. The whole charity angle is just another lie perpetuated on us by this scum. They don’t care about curing cancer any more than they care about peacefully sharing the road with motor vehicles. Cycling must be good because sometimes they do it for charity? I will be laughing at how incredibly stupid that line of reasoning is for a long time.

8 comments:

  1. Incredibly STUPID commentary. Was your head up your ass when you wrote it?

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's not even logic. It's a simple rant by someone with far too much time on their hands.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Steven Q. StanleyJuly 26, 2011 at 12:31 PM

    Wow, cyclists are dumb.

    Also had to laugh at a cyclist calling someone out for "too much time on their hands".

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey Stanley...you're a dick..

    ReplyDelete
  5. The cyclists sure are out in full internet task force mode! Thanks for this blog. It's highly needed. I don't mind sharing the road with safe cyclists. I just haven't met any yet. However, three-wide riders who blow through stoplights? They are everywhere. Fuck 'em.

    ReplyDelete
  6. He Stanley. Screw you and your comment about too much time on their hands. I use MY bicycle as a day-to-day commuter replacing a car almost every day. I do NOT agree with the "spandex warriors" that think they own the road. As a matter of fact, I don't own one single solitary piece of spandex, anywhere.

    I have been to MANY cycle shops in the area and have been snubbed quite often by these same people that "claim" to be so friendly. What a crock of shit. These people spend far too much time counting how many grams they have added or taken away from their precious rides.

    I do NOT ride a $3000 carbon fiber bike that only comes outside on nice days when there is no possibility of rain. The "Spandex Warriors" feel that they OWN the road when they ride.

    I have YET to see ONE ride organized for the average joe rider. ALL of the rides that I have seen are always set to see how fast you can go from point A to point B. That's NOT how I ride.

    ReplyDelete
  7. you just said lance armstrong doesnt care about curing cancer. way to sound intelligent.

    ReplyDelete